I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
