Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
