I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
