i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
