I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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