Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
