She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
