WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
meet me or not, i'm out of control
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
