I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
there's paper in my vomit.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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