i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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