It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
that is very illegal...i love you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
