My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
