I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
