I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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