a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
