Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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