We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
