dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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