his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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