Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
