Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
