he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
