I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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