i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
