the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
