Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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