how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
