I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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