Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
