i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
