I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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