So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
