Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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