just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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