SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
