i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
