I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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