I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
