I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
