Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
