The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
