Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
