You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
