Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
