Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
