maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
