i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
