This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
