I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
