so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
