dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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